Hi to all Careboxy readers! In this article; we will talk about anxiety costs and myths that we maybe aren’t aware of.
We as human being are creating relations, we learn by associations. We are learning to solve our problems in our life, we sometimes learn by our mistakes and making lots of trials. Mind has great reasoning power and we are using our brain for analytical purposes, imaginative purposes and other problem solving skills.
Here’s a breakdown of what we’ll cover:
♥MY ANXIOUS EXPERIENCE
♥NEW ERA ON ANXIETY
MY ANXIOUS EXPERIENCE
When i was a child, i thought that everything could be solved in an analytic way. I was totally trying to be a systematic person. My parents were supportive type of parents. They cared me with lots of support and it could be seen as perfect parenting. When i was in mid school, i played in theater without any anxiety. When I entered high school , i was still living with my parents. I didn’t make any anxiety avoidance since i knew that i got my family to support me at home. It probably gave me a subconscious relief. I also did not have so much judgemental and comparison thoughts in my mind since age of 18.
When i entered the university, everything came to the surface. I had faced with real anxiety problems but in those times i didn’t even know that was named as anxiety. I just knew that i was socially awkward and avoided lots of greetings in university clubs or lessons. I didn’t like first lessons of any lesson. Then it made me stuck in my comfort areas such as dormitory or closest friend houses. I was always going to my comfort areas. I remembered that i avoided the speech in university social meetings especially when i needed to make speech to a group like a greeting or another topic.
Then i found a part time work after finishing university. I was also trying to find a full time work. Then i realized i had interview heart bumping. My brain was always saying “ should i go from here” and “ how can i speak with this heart bumping and sweat”. I had prepared too much for all interviews.
All this avoidance and vicious cycle of my thoughts made my brain learn that avoidance is relief and beautiful. But i didn’t aware that life costs because of these avoidance.
When i deeply thought about life costs, there was so much. I couldn’t make first introductions to whom i wanted to speak of. Anxiety caused me to run away from interviews that costs some career. It caused also skip some of social gatherings although i value always being social.
When we try to avoid our experiences we generally think in short terms. However short term avoidance provides short time relief. That relief makes us a vicious cycle of reward.
Let’s do a writing exercise to see our costs about anxiety. Create a 5 column table like the sample below. It will make you aware of your costs. I made a sample for anxiety costs that i dealt in university.
While doing this exercise;
- Especially think about the areas that cost you being away from your values.
- For example; I gave importance to my social relationships and this avoidance of social meeting due to anxiety cause me pain.
|situation||anxiety||Coping behavior||Effect of behavior||costs|
|University gatherings||I was afraid of failure in speaking||I avoided initial meetings||It made me relief and sit at my comfort zone||Meet to new people, new friendships, social relationships|
There is some anxiety myths people generally believe them. We feed these thoughts in our mind and behave like these thoughts are true.
1.Anxiety is a weakness
I was also blaming myself for my anxiety. I was thinking that it’s my lacking area. I needed to solve with my super computer brain. But how much successful is brain on solving own emotional problems?
Anxiety is an intense emotion. Emotions can be in a wide range for some people. Could you think a world without emotion? Could you think a world without emotional writers and artists?
All of emotions give us lessons about life. Emotions tell us so much thing about life what to do. Fear, worry and anxiety is protection for any danger that threaten us.
2. Anxiety problems are %100 biological
When i was child, I remember that my mother had panic attack. I thought that anxiety must be genetic. But then i remembered and asked to me that “ why i don’t have so much anxiety up to my 15th age”. Can it be because of my brain relationship with anxiety and fear?
I had self blaming thoughts after i avoided public speak or any anxiety situation. My relationship with anxiety was not a friend relationship , it was enemy. Therefore, my response to anxiety was trying to get rid of it.
But then acceptance based psychology theories and eastern philosophies teach us that anxiety is our part. Whatever enter the body, stays in body. We don’t need to remove the anxiety. We need a peace with it.
3. Anxiety must be managed
I was looking and comparing myself to others, why didn’t other people have anxiety? It must be a bad thing and i needed to solve that thing.
Lots of people try medications, alcohol and other avoidants to get rid of anxiety. But lots of people aren’t aware of that it costs much in a long term. It is sometimes costing financial in short time and costs meaningful life in long term.
Too much people try to control anxiety excessively. They live their life according to anxiety. Sometimes we can prepare ourselves too much for any activity that probably cause anxiety.
I also had so much preparation before anxiety. However, activity we prepared can be cancelled in some situations. Isn’t it waste of time we worry a lot although we don’t face this activity and anxiety?
NEW ERA ON ANXIETY
Now scientists and east traditions agree one point. Our emotional pain can not be solved with effort and resisting. Our great effort to solve other life problems is not valid on our emotions&thoughts. Mind can not get rid of anxiety in long term if we resist to our emotions&thoughts. Our resistance and struggle only makes anxiety worse and intense. It is also causing to be away from our life values and meaningful moments.
In next articles, we will discover our mistakes on anxiety and how to change our relationship with anxiety.
You can also use our free CHATBOT APP to have a new journey on your anxiety. The app gives you a guide and new perspective in life with anxiety. You will have lots of skills to live with anxiety and live through a joyful and meaningful life. You can easily find actionable steps and exercises needed to have peace and live a meaningful life despite anxiety on our free CHATBOT APP.